If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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