with your own penis?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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