Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
