so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Found your dick twin last night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
