My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
