the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
