I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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