Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
