Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
are you so shy because you have an std?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
