i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
