you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
