Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
