i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
