Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
