Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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