How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
