Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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