I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
