so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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