I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
