she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
