you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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