you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize