The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
