Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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