Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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