So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
