when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
