There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
