6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
