Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
