I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
