Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize