I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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