I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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