Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
