He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
