so explain again why im purple
no
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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