I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Randomize
