So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hippo gnu deer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize