Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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