It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
