Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
