She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
