I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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