my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
