turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
