I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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