he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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