The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
