I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize