it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
