So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
