Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
