dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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