She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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