I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
