That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
