Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
