btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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