i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
