i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
