So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
