I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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