Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
