I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
