I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
