We're like a lot better than the average bears
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
