I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
