I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
