I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
