Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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