Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
