There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
