Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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