I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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