Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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