So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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