Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
