did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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